I can’t Because I’m Single
Single and Unqualified
You can’t do ____ or you aren’t _____ because you aren’t married. I remember feeling like I unqualified and ill-equipped for the current season because I wasn’t married. Truth be told, I felt labeled, as if something was wrong with me that I wasn’t married and had no promising prospects on the horizon. Statements and pictures would play on repeat in my head, “when you’re married, then you will be _____ (fill in the blank.” Or, “if I knew I was at least dating my husband then I would ______.” I had my fair share of relationships and I tried to a fault to make them work. Like square pegs and round holes, I would work from every angle, exhausting myself on all levels to make it seem like a fit, but try as I might, the gaps were always present. As time passed, I remember the gap inside of me and the mental statements growing themselves. Envy would creep in, comparison was a constant companion and sadness seemed to linger just below the surface. Why? Because I was single.
Perspective Changes Everything
If you are a runner or ever participated in any P.E. events in grade-school, you know that in a two-legged team race, you go much slower and it’s more challenging than if you were to just run by yourself. In fact, after you run tied to someone, I would guess you had a greater appreciation for simply running by yourself. Why? Your vantage point changes. After my last relationship ended, before meeting my husband, I was frustrated and felt hopeless. One night, I remember crying out to God, “How is it possible that I am still here, in the same place, feeling lonely, unwanted, unworthy and unqualified yet again?!” The cycle of relational highs and lows, hopes and disappointments had drudged on for almost 10 years. Then I won a book. Yep, at a women’s retreat. I won a book I grew to treasure greatly, The Resolution for Women by Priscilla Shirer. I have read a lot about being single, on purpose, and calling, but never had I read anything laid out so perfectly. In the chapter, Surprisingly Satisfied, Shirer shares Paul’s secret- he had resolved to be content.
“I have learned to be content in whatever circumstance I am. I know both how to have a little, and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content- whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need. I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me.” Phil. 4:11-13
Shirer goes on to share that, “The more you believe that God’s grace to you is overflowing, the more you’ll be convinced that you will always have everything you need. So if you don’t have it- whatever it is- it’s because you don’t need it. You may want it, but it’s not necessary in order to accomplish what He knows is most important for your life today. Otherwise, He’d have given it to you. Whatever he’s given or not given, He’s done for a specific reason… Every decision you need to make, every task you need to accomplish, every relationship you need to navigate, every element of daily life you need to traverse, God has already perfectly matched up with an equivalent- to- overflowing supply of His grace. If you don’t agree with that, then you either lack a proper appreciation for what you have, or you are doing things that you’re not supposed to be participating in right now.”
I closed the book after reading the analogy and released a big exhale. With my eyes closed, I envisioned that my husband would eventually be on the course, but at that time since he was beyond my sight or knowledge, I had a race to run.
You have a Race to Run
My inner dialogue went like this, “10 years, Danielle! No more. We have to do this differently. No more pulling guys onto the track with me, they are slowing me down. No more looking around at the other lanes, I am losing focus from my own lane. No more stopping to try out the various things along the path, they are distracting you. Alright, God, I trust you. I lay this down and I am going to keep my eyes on you, running for you and towards you. This cycle ends here.” A few weeks later, I got to hear Priscilla speak and that night I rededicated my life to the Lord. I leaned into my race- my current season with a new focus, a new level of energy and confident hope that I had lacked previously. I began to run with joy and as I continued on towards God and with God, I began to see His hand in countless moments. Healing began to take place and a wholeness filled me. I poured myself into the Lord, into quality relationships with girlfriends and dreams that had been on my heart. What I originally hoped would end, the season of singleness, turned into one of my most treasured experiences, a race well run, with pride and joy-filled expectation of what God had ahead. You have a race as well.
Stop Falling for Satan’s Tricks
Yep. John 8:44 says, “You are of your father the devil, and the desires of your father you want to do. He was a murderer from the beginning and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it.” He is the father of lies- KING. Whatever statements or pictures are replaying in your mind, those are lies, strategic attacks from the enemy to cause you to doubt your worth, question your value and distract you from all God has for you in your race. Just as I did, I want to encourage you to pray and kill the toxic attacks today. You have authority as a daughter of the King to break down strongholds against you. You have the power to fight and you have the ability to rest and trust in the Lord. Call it for what it is, tricks, deception, and tactics against you. And it’s time to put Satan and his lies in their place and start stepping into yours. Here’s an example of a prayer to break ties with the enemy and his strategies against you, “Devil, you have been found out. I rebuke you, and I break all ties with you. You have no place here, no jurisdiction in my life. In Jesus’ name, I command you to go! Holy Spirit come. Fill my mind, flood the gaps, and protect me from the tactics of the enemy. Lord, I give you my mind, renew me, and restore me. Let my life be for Your glory, a testimony of your faithfulness. My hope, my joy, and my victory are in you. Amen. “
You have everything you need in this season to be who God called you to be and to do exactly what He is inviting you to do. Embrace it. Another season is coming, but don’t miss what’s here now. Don’t miss what He’s given you and what He has called you to!
I’m for you, sister! You aren’t alone!