I’m Losing Hope, I Want to Quit
As I write this, I am approaching my 39th week of pregnancy. Whether this being my third child or her breech positioning, my hip and pelvis pain have surged over the last few weeks. There have been more moments than I can count that the tears have fallen, feeling no relief, finding myself frustrated and feeling defeated. If I’m not careful I can quickly find myself going down a path of pitty, complaining and comparison. Thinking and feeling these things are right where Satan wants me to be. He does his best work in deception. He twists the truth to be something different by posing questions or encounters that make us doubt the faithfulness of our Father.
Soon after, I am reminded that I have an end date for this season of pregnancy. I am reminded that carrying to term is a gift and that there are countless women who would give anything to be in my shoes. And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 2 Cor. 12:9. God’s grace is sufficient for what I am facing. Meaning, whatever I am feeling, thinking or up against His grace covers it all so I don’t have to live in fear or worry. The last piece of that verse is rich, “so I will boast about my weaknesses, so that Christ may dwell in me.” Humility. The other thing that end verse does is steal power away from the enemy and our circumstances and give all glory and praise to God. Not because everything is healed, answered or known, but because we trust Him. We give God glory in our weakness because He will use our story for His glory. We give God our weaknesses because He wants to do something in us and through us that will grow us more like Him.
About a week ago, I began contemplating how similar pregnancy can feel like tough seasons in life. We are aching, longing, and so ready for change. Our anticipation is high with an unknown of the breakthrough. The desire for answers can cause anxiety and unsettledness as we wait, pace, and search for something that feels secure and known. Something that yields hope in our waiting. What if we didn’t know the end date for a pregnancy. Legally, they won’t allow you to go past 42 weeks. But what if we didn’t know that? What if we were in week 38, feeling tired, overcome with pain, filled with desire, and overshadowed by the uncertainty that we decided to give up. This sounds morbid, but terminating our life or the pregnancy because we didn’t know how close we actually were to the very thing we desire most.
Our enemy, Satan, wants us to live in that place. An emotional, physical and mental state that we are so consumed with what we see, feel and know at that moment that we allow it to dictate our future. A place where we feel so trapped inwardly that it seems foolish to keep the hope. It seems foolish to continue praying. It seems ridiculous to stay the course, so we quite. We throw in the towel. We give in to what feels good now. We surrender to a solution that we can make happen, a known answer and outcome. All the while Satan laughs. I can see God’s heartbreaking as He wants to take us in His arms and say, “My child, you have no idea what I had for you in another week, another month, or another year.”
God is a loving Father who doesn’t give bad gifts. God is a faithful Father who delivers always on time, never early and never late. My God is a God of promises that are full and exponential for our lives. I know it hurts right now. I know you feel like quitting and giving up all hope. I know you are tired. I know you are searching for answers, something that will give a small glimmer of hope into your story, something to hold on to. Cling to God’s word. Put on worship music. Proclaim the promises that God has for you, stay in the fight. The baby is coming. Breakthrough is coming. Freedom is coming, answers are coming. This is part of your story. Will it bury you or will you allow this waiting season to build you?
God has more for you friend!
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