Five years ago TODAY, Chris attended a wedding with me as my date. It wasn’t supposed to be anything, just friends, neither of us looking for something and both enjoying the season we were in fully expectant to go our own paths. Truth is, we had never spent any time in person together, just communicated via text, email and phone, so let’s be honest, it was a little risky bringing him to a wedding! Thankfully it went well, really well. He came to the wedding as my friend; see my ex and his new fiancé were there and Chris didn’t want me to have to face them alone. Whew, me either! This picture is our first official picture together… I have no idea who took it and what was happening, but I love it. That night, I saw Chris differently. My eyes were opened to qualities and characteristics that I had been praying about for years in a future spouse. My heart began to wonder if maybe, just maybe there could be more with this guy than just being my “cool guy friend who flew helicopters.”
Five years later and as I look at this picture, I study my eyes, my lift of the eyebrow, my entire facial expression… I am interested, engaged, intrigued and captivated.
“Do I look at my husband this way now?” Seriously, that is the question I am asking myself as I write this. Five years later, four moves, three houses, two babies, one dog and countless memories in between, do I still look at my husband this way? Sometimes. Yikes, I wrote just that. Truth is, life isn’t that fun wedding night anymore, I mean we are busy, we have so many more responsibilities today than we did then, our dreams are way bigger now, our time is split in more directions, we know each other inside and out, we have seen the other at their best and at the worst. I mean, Chris has sat with me when I was sobbing, makeup running down in a bathrobe with no idea what was wrong… What I am saying is that as I responded, “Sometimes.” It is so easy to pile on the reasons, and good reasons, why things have changed. No one can argue that, but each day, each moment I have a choice. Certain days and moments may be tougher than they were then, but I still have a choice.
If you are like me, finding yourself saying, “sometimes” and wanting to pursue your husband and your marriage better, then this is what I am starting, today, right now.
1- Renew my mind- “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2
Feelings are a lie, so the decision has to begin in my head to be intentional about the way I think about my husband, his actions and intentions. I am praying Romans 12:2 over my mind, to respond and engage my husband with a grace-filled love, a patient love, a joy-filled love. Not because he is perfect or always “deserving”, but because Christ has called me to love him that way and true change has to start somewhere, so let it be with me. Side note, my husband is amazing and I am ridiculously grateful for him, but we are both human 🙂
2- Choose My Words- What we think in our mind, feeds our feelings, our heart and then our words flow out. This is a checkpoint, are the words that I am saying about my husband reflective of a positive character, respectful attributes? Are they passive aggressive? A trap? Today, I am taking inventory of the words I say to him and about him, the stories that I tell others about him and the picture I am creating. Honesty is a must, but let’s do it in a trusted circle of women that are praying for our spouses, that are for our marriages and encouraging us, not bashing our men.
3-Make it Fun- Life is amazing today, totally different than five years ago and way different than what we “saw” but everything we had prayed for at the same time. We are currently finding ways to keep the fun in dating and the pursuit, to not get buried in the task, the checklist and just being “mom + dad.” Chris is growing, learning, changing, his interests, his hobbies, I want to celebrate and appreciate all those with him, the best I can at least :). Effort counts! So for us, we do a weekly date night, just us time, no technology, no kids, just us. We have spontaneous dance parties in the kitchen, we flirt… It may look different for you and that is ok, it’s good even.
This blog was for me today, hope you got something out of it too :). Just a reminder to love on your husband today, to be interested, engaged, intrigued and captivated, because God made him. Praying over you and your marriage today!